Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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