You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
