just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
