hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
