so that wasnt chicken after all
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
