Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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