The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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