READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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