Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
