I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
