Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
