I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
