It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
