EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
