I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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