there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
