Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
