Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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