last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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