i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
