those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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