you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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