I got chris browned last night
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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