mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize