i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
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new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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