your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
