mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
