kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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