He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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