I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
