I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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