He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
