your thong is hanging out like whoa
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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