i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
