She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
