you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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