I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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