I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
