so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
