I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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