you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
