Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
how drunk are you?
Several
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize