The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
