How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
