I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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