We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
