Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
