I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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