Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
