are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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