You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
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I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
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My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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