My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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