why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
