At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
