In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
