He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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