there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
