Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
