but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
