These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When are your genitals available?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
