I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
