Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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