Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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