we made out on top of his cat.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
